A Blood to Keep
by ayanamiyuy
Summary: A mission is meant to be accomplished. Heero never fails on that. But can he still do that if the blood of the certain girl peels his weakness and finally breaks his guard.Warning: Morbid, Bloodletting Sex, and Psychological twist. 1x Rei Ayanami.ONE SHOT


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A BLOOD TO KEEP   
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam wing, Evangelion and the song Frozen.   
  
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Summary: A mission is meant to be accomplished. Heero never fails on that. But can he still do  
  
that if the blood of the certain girl peels his weakness and finally breaks his guard. Warning:  
  
Morbid, Bloodletting Sex, and Psychological twist. ONE SHOT FIC  
  
  
  
Not Yaoi and most of all it is NOT and it WILLNEVER BE Heero/Relena.  
  
Heero/Rei Ayanami (fr. Evangelion)  
  
Rated R  
  
Angst/Romance**  
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_Note: for those who doesn't have any idea of Rei Ayanami read this: Rei Ayanami from the anime of Evangelion is the first children who pilots the EVA-OO. Emotions are often hard for Rei to deal with because he is not purely human. She is partly human and an angel; a clone from the deceased wife of Gendo Ikari and an angel Lilith. Her personality is that she holds very little value in life and that she would do anything to reach her goal. Rei is a very quiet girl who prefers to shroud herself in mystery and keep herself out of the way of others.   
_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*******  
  
  
  
An atmosphere of sullenness covers the night. The people, if we could still call them that, are hiding on their home closing themselves up to dark cries of the night. Their disclosure and blindness to day to day killing hands the war to reign over their abandoned soul. For surely, at this time, the universe of life had became a container of human's mechanical mind.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Such scenery is full of emptiness yet wrapped by a strand of light that connects the world to hope. This vigilant moon reveals a young person's shadow. Moving towards his destination, he strides every walk with no hesitation nor apprehension. His eyes, which are partially covered by his dark brown hair, show no emotion but merely determination. Wearing a pair of black jeans with loosely buttoned green polo shirt, he gets hold of a paper in his pocket and scans the reason of his presence.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In a dark night like this, blood seems to be emitting in his persona, lurking and searching a vessel to linger on, to savage and grip its existence. What more do this young man wants in a dark night but to follow a direction that lead his life onto reality, the reason of his life. This is him, a perfect soldier that his existence is just like a machine.  
  
  
  
*******  
  
  
  
  
  
_"ting"  
  
  
  
A sound of a machine erupts in an abandoned warehouse. Heero rapidly runs in the computer and scans the message.  
  
  
  
"here is the file information for your next mission"  
  
  
  
Heero downloaded the file link. He looks on the address and the blue print of the house. Then Duo tries to peek on the screen and bursts into complain.  
  
  
  
"What an easy job! Just sneak into a house and snatch a file? My, my, mission today is getting straightforward, right Heero?"  
  
  
  
"Stay out of this and shut up", he orders his companion. He never wants anybody to interfere with his life, his mission most especially. A mission is his heartbeat. Failure to mission is never a part of his vocabulary.  
  
  
  
"Alright then….." Duo submitted to the order. He cant really mingle to the life of his friend. Heero has his own way of life that he won't let anyone else to share with. What is given to him is for him alone. That is the Heero he knew.  
  
  
  
"Hey, what about me? "  
  
  
"wait for your turn." Heero replied.  
  
  
  
"Again? Are they forgetting me these days?" He had not been given a mission for a week now. Life seems to be boring doing nothing exciting but strolling all day. Now, turning to Heero to borrow some stuff for tuning his gear makes him feel jealous for the assignment of mission to him.  
  
  
  
Heero read the note under the file.  
  
"Remember that the deadline is Saturday, 6:00 sharp in the morning. That is 2 days from now."  
  
  
  
"Mission accepted." He nods instinctively. A mission like this is part of his life, his existence. He had been living for following orders and orders are to be accomplished  
  
  
  
"With that kind of job, you could expect the delivery much earlier! It shouldn't be a problem with us, skilled pilots to handle that easy mission." Duo proudly commented imagining himself talking to the giver of his mission.  
  
  
  
Heero then walks into his room disregarding the presence of another man. He needs silence right now. It seems centuries since he had been given a simple mission like this. Not that he cares, but on the flow of his task, this one is the most different. He could do the mission right now, but decided to do it tomorrow since it is just a' sneak and snatch case.' "This would not take long" he assumes._  
  
  
  
*******  
  
  
  
He finally reaches his destination and stops to scan the house if it is exactly the right place. He walks towards the door and tries to budge it, knowing now that it wasn't locked.   
  
  
  
  
  
'This is simpler that I thought' he pondered. At that time he decided to attack on the front whether or not there is someone inside. Confrontation is never a problem in his case. He always goes on a frontal assault, loving the way he can manipulate and dominate the situation. Let blood flows between him and the victim, he never cares.   
  
  
  
  
  
He gets his gun located at the back of his loose jeans and positions it in his hands. Slowly he opens the door with tranquility and expects nothing but fulfillment of his mission. It appears that there is no difference of the door behind and outside. Still, darkness remains on the room where no shades of what they called 'home' exist. Such characteristic of a place intrigues the young soldier to see what kind of place he is sneaking into. He gropes for a switch, allowing himself to submit to a call of oddness that disturbs him.  
  
  
  
What fills his eyes is the imprisonment of a soul. A small ravaged room where only void exists. A wrecked bed and a small closet are the only elements of a room that are present. Cluttered pieces of papers and clothes define the place for abandonment.   
  
  
  
"This place is a waste" his voice breaks the stillness of emptiness that surrounds the room. He must do something; he must talk to strengthen himself to the strong aura of the place that is calling him, blending with his character. It looks like an invisible steam of blood is emitting in a room drawing him into a feeling of commonality. That feeling is starting to quiver the predominating essence of him.   
  
  
  
  
  
He had suddenly regained his own composure, remembered his reason of going here. 'A mission is meant to be accomplished' thinking covered his persona again. He started to scan the scattered pieces of paper and search for the file that was ordered to him to find. Then suddenly, the door on the backside opens. Instinctively, he points his gun to the intruder. 'Death is a punishment for witnesses' he reflects.   
  
  
  
  
  
A young woman with a shaggy short blue hair walks on the room, ignoring the presence of a man pointing a gun at her. Covered only by a towel, she steps with drops of water falling on the cracked floor. It appears that the door where she just walked from is a bathroom. Heero's fierce glare is not enough to awaken her sense. She just keeps on walking until she reaches the near side of the bed, pausing for a little while.   
  
  
  
  
  
'She must be the occupant of this prison'. Knowing that they are both pilots because of the file's information, such trick she's playing at would not get in his way. His patience is never long and so, the dark words of "I'll kill you" are starting to reach in the peak of his lips. But just before he would say that, a mere man was forced to hold himself up because of Rei's next move.  
  
  
  
  
  
She releases the towel that is enveloping her petite body, showing off her body's slenderness with no sign of hesitation. As a soldier who knows how to control and act himself out, he stick his eyes just on her face, taking off him any feeling that a human can have in the situation. With the gun still pointing at her, he does not worry what offensive action Rei might do while he let his pause drawn the situation. A soldier that he is trusts his instincts what to do in every situation; after all, life is cheap for him.  
  
  
  
  
  
After a beat of silence had passed, she turned her head to face the young soldier. With no trail of concern of what just happened earlier, she answers his continuous glare and seeks his character. Now wearing a white silky nightdress, she shot her red eyes to stare him releasing a shade of barrenness.   
  
  
  
  
  
Looking intently at one another, they let each other sense the compositions that construct their persona. Not capable of expressing themselves, they just let their intuition judge one another. What feelings might bring to two persons seems lost in a world of emotions. Yet, right now, one still remains a question. Neither he or she can able to know it yet. But such question will not get in their way of threading this new road, this moment that connects them. Let their old beliefs handle this situation and learn from the consequence.  
  
  
  
The restful voice of what the wolf was hunting finally spoke. "What you're looking for… is under that closet" she points the closet, never leaving her sight on him. He was still looking at her, weighing her statement if it is to be believed or not. Searching truth in her eyes leaves him in a decision then to trust her word. Her constant stare at him finally convinced him to put down his gun and head towards the closet. There, he found the exact files that were ordered to him. 'Truly, that girl wasn't lying'. Mostly any man in his position will question her why she reveals such important files this easily. But in his case, he never cares for anything else beyond what is assigned to him. Given this kind of fate happened right now, he will accept and would not question.  
  
  
  
"You're also a pilot right?" Rei said disrupting his thoughts.   
  
  
  
"Blood seems to smell more in this room since you came" Rei resumes as she remains standing, observing as Heero gets the files. She just stands there like a doll, leaving no emotions on her face. A beautiful blue haired doll that speaks is who she is. Nonetheless she had sensed him, their camaraderie in blood and longing for death.  
  
  
  
Her second comment made Heero look at her again, holding the files in his left hand and a gun on his right. He positioned his right hand towards her as a gesture of killing.  
  
  
  
Rei suddenly walks toward the side of the room, ignoring the killing position of Heero. She reaches out for a small jewelry box and opens it. Things in this place seem to have no value, except for the box that she reaches out for. Whatever the content of the box is the most important in a ruined place like this. She took the knife out from it slowly using her hands. Holding the knife with her both hands is a sign that the knife is not meant for attacking him, but something else more important.  
  
  
  
Her left hand lets go of the knife and she begins to close her eyes. Then she let her right hand trail her body by slipping the tip of the knife starting from her left wrist, slowly, little by little up to her left arm. In every movement, she feels every pain that her body is giving. She let every drip of blood to escape from her flesh, liking the way it falls and tickles her fingertips as if she is showing him, expressing a part of herself who she really is to him. For she knows him, from the time their eyes met, she saw herself in him. Like looking into a mirror, she wants to convey herself to someone like him.  
  
  
  
Heero, still pointing his gun at her speaks nothing. Right now, at this moment, his fingers get numb, his feet won't move. He did not take his eyes away from her even for a second. Such scene is calling him, persuading him to witness and take part in her action. Deep in his eyes hides a ray of curiousness. Her bloodletting is intriguing him, cracking his sentinel.   
  
  
  
"Pain…."she smoothly whispers. Her slashing now reaches to her neck. More blood is coming out on her pale skin, tainting her white silky dress. .   
  
"Is the only feeling that we are capable to feel….". Expressive words keep falling from her lips, same as her blood on her skin. But such words are deceiving. She looks so innocent, like a machine that was instructed to kill her self slowly, one that is not capable to express any feeling to anyone. Yet right now, she is revealing herself to someone.  
  
She now opens her eyes and look at him. She puts her hands on the side, still holding the knife with a dripping blood. She pause for a while loving the pain of losing the red substance that is flowing in her system, affecting and contaminating her life. She must get rid of it, remove that substance in her body that was a source of life and yet a source of suffering. Beyond doubt, her existence is a mere suffering.  
  
  
  
" I don't care if you kill me…doing that might give me more pain than my bloodletting." She paused for a while. "And I like that", she commented with no shade of fear or resentment. She is nothing else but covered with void and death.  
  
  
  
That was it. Her last comment gets his attention and opened one part of his body vulnerable. Once again, blood is drawing him to do something. Fighting it this time is much harder than earlier. Blood is no longer invisible. He can see it, smell the venom of it that was filling the room, spreading into his lungs and convincing him to take part.  
  
  
  
Finally, he couldn't take his silence anymore. He will be poisoned if he would not do something to stop this. He then finally spoke in a monotone voice, "If you still don't know, you're hurting yourself". He doesn't know what to say. He couldn't think of anything, or his brain wasn't functioning well. In his thoughts , reminding her of what she's doing might be able to help the situation or deep inside it is himself that he was reminding, trying to strengthen himself in a situation that is making him weak. But he knows very well that she knows what she's doing, in fact he even likes to take part in it.  
  
  
  
She transfers the knife to her left hand, and this time, to bleed her right arm. She slashes her flesh as she keeps on maintaining their gaze, letting him feel her pain, connecting to him and inviting him to share this pain too. More blood is falling on the floor. Her slash in each stroke is getting deeper and deeper. Her feet now cover with blood, coloring her doll image.   
  
  
  
"The more the pain, the more I can feel, the more I see my reason, my existence". She started to walk towards him letting him known that their life really means is death for salvation. Each stride seems to float on the floor as she's starting to feel weak. Never leaving her gaze upon him, she offers him her knife coated with her own blood.   
  
  
  
" What do you think?" she is now in front of him, so close that she gradually lifts her bleeding hand to let her frail fingers touch his face. She leans her head at his shoulder to whisper in his ears, " You might feel the same as I do". And with that she collapses on him, no longer able to stand up after she loses so much blood. Heero unconsciously released his grip on his gun to catch her. He takes the knife that she offered him and forgets his fallen gun on the floor. This time he totally loses his guard. Her leaning against him with blood suffocating his lungs opens the vulnerable side of him. Her presence is too much to control.  
  
  
youonlyseewhatyoureyes want to s e e  
  
  
  
howcanlifebewhatyouwantittob e  
  
  
  
you're fro zen  
  
  
  
when your hearts not o pen  
  
  
  
He lifts her up, and walks toward the bed. He laid her there together with the knife that was handed to him. He seems lost on what to do. It's too late, he had already let down his guard there. Now, what dominates his persona is the true him, who he truly is.  
  
  
  
The bleeding still continues, it won't stop .It appears that this thought is the only one present in his brain. He gets some clothes in the closet and tears it up. He wraps her arms with it. 'This would do' he mused. He sits beside her bed and stares at the sleepy looking angel. He knows she was still awake, she must be. She should not leave him at a time like this, the time when he was able to sense his own self for the first time. He had questions, and he wants answers. What she showed to him must have an explanation. Her power to lead him into this road that he was now must have a strong reason behind. Not sure if it could be in words, but what he knows is that she's the only one that can show that to him.  
  
  
  
"You and me, our purpose is to follow order, nothing more, nothing less. What you are doing was not instructed to you, why do it?" There, he said it, with essence of his character, knowing very well the she hears him. In his monotone husky voice resides a hint of searching, yearning for the answer to the question that's bugging him.  
  
  
  
She slowly opens her eyes, and accepts his questioning stare. She looks at him on how fragile he had become, his face was now mix with blood since she touch him. Yes she knows, she had opened something in him. His stare is now different, somewhat revealing. In a way, part of him is now exposed to her, connected somehow.   
  
  
  
It's been a long second since she broke her gaze, sensing him that his question is still unanswered. From lying down, she sat straight facing him face to face.  
  
  
  
"To decide something by yourself is a great feeling for humans." She lets her weak voice spring in the air, making sure it reaches him. She paused to scan his reaction and reflect on the next set of words that will come out from her lips.   
  
  
  
"….but us, recycles and machines of war are no longer capable to decide upon ourselves the feeling we want to feel." She speaks these words as she lifts her hand to touch his face and continue to look at him. Her gesture is to emphasize to him that they are both like that, that they are those machines who are now expressing pains that had been long crushing their soul if they still have any.  
  
  
  
She puts down her hand and lets her forehead touch his. She now closed her eyes to feel every word that she will express. Heero too, feels the coming striking words and let himself close his eyes and open his heart to what it will bring him. The connection now are so strong, that every words will be expressed will go directly to what is left for them to feel. They will face the truth of what and who they are.  
  
  
  
"Killing seems to consume so much of what we can, that the only thing left for us is to feel is pain. So while we can, let us feel, cherish, and consume every essence of it " Maybe if they are just any normal people, tears might be falling already on their eyes. But no, they can't do that, they don't even think they are capable of that. But never be deceived by the absence of physical tears, because more than that is what they are experiencing. Tears are just one part of the body that was expressing, but to them though there were no tears, their whole body, whatever left for them is giving onto the reality, of such harsh truth that they are. And for that, tears are what they are, their whole being as a core of their existence.  
  
  
  
They remain on their position for a while assimilating the cruelness of life. What more could this two person be but like a seed of life in a mechanical world. Them treated as machines beaten the other lives who share the air and yet unable to sense and assess their doing. They were able to know more than the normal people who lives in a righteous way of developing the world yet unknown to their hearts they just as mechanical as a doll; letting them be a slave of the root of all pains and not of what they as humans should really feel. Ignorance is never an excuse, because knowing it was already long implanted in human hearts.  
  
  
  
After sometime, Heero backs out. He moves his arm to reach something. He couldn't resist anymore. Her words finally convinced him to participate. He indeed agrees to what she said. Blood must go out on his body right now. He needs to feel it like she does.  
  
  
  
Rei shoots a look at him, observing his every move. Heero grips the bloody knife. Slowly he pierces his arms deeply. Indeed, the blood that was now flowing in his arms is not solely his blood. For Rei's blood was still in the knife, and together with Heero's blood it flows harmoniously in his arms. He likes it, enjoys it. The smell of their blood is all that fills the room.  
  
  
  
You'resoconcernedwith howmuchyoug e t   
  
Youwasteyourtimewith hateandregr e t  
  
You'rebro ken   
  
when your heart's not o pen  
  
  
  
Rei notices his change of mood, and gladly wants to help him. Truly, he is not alone. She is here, willing to lead him in this pain seeking place of the lifeless world. This is the only path they can think of to comfort themselves in realities.  
  
  
  
"Allow me" she request. She grips the upper part of the knife that Heero was holding and lets her gaze tells him what she wants. And on that Heero releases the knife, allowing her to give him what she can. As she gets hold of the knife, she set it aside. She wants him to feel more of it. And for that she needs to remove something else first. She still connects their gaze as she starts to unbutton his polo. She needs more flesh for more blood to flow.   
  
  
  
And he lets her. He trusts her. Whatever feeling she will give him, he will accept.   
And besides, he wants her to show him this place he was on.  
  
  
  
She now reaches the last button, the last gate before her slashing. Then she pulls down his polo revealing his muscular chest. She doesn't know what she feels just looking at him like that. Her body tingles, aches for a mere sight of sexiness. But unable to notice the feeling she just continues to what she had to. She gets hold of the knife ignoring her other lingering thoughts. And slowly, lifting it up, she pins it on his chest. The simple touch of the metal above his flesh soon gets deeper and deeper. Moment by moment, she drags it down, spreading the pain all over his body. Blood is now hurrying to seek what is beyond his vessel. Like rain, blood fills his chest with red, giving him more pain.  
  
  
  
His eyebrows quiver in pain. Rei discerns his weakening reaction and decided to put the blooded knife down. Just as she removes the contact of the knife to his flesh, he then grabs her hand to signify that he wants more and can resist more.   
  
  
  
Her slashing might be more painful than self destructing but then it is more comforting, self satisfying. In here he was conscious, he can still control his system to sense the blood that was coming out in his body, the aching pain of breathing. Sensing it makes him feel repenting for his killings. He thinks he deserves to suffer. And on the state of life he had undergone he wants that so badly.  
  
  
  
Together, as Heero clenches the hands of Rei that was holding the knife, they slash his chest deeper than before. It hurts. It hurts so much that he was able to bleed his lips as he tries to resist the pain by his teeth.  
  
  
  
He was soon no longer able to tolerate. Her is consuming his body, his thinking, dominating his character. How much he wants more yet his body resist. And from that he collapses on her shoulder. The tingling pain still stays in his flesh. He closed his eyes, to feel this moment. And he lay there for a while and let her body serve as a bandage to heal his bleeding chest as she embraced him.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
IfI couldmelt your h e a rt   
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
We'dne-verbe a p a r t  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
Giveyourself t o m e  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm   
  
Y o u----h o l d-thek e y   
  
  
  
  
There is something in his position right now that makes him feel so much than the cuts on his body. He now noticed that he missed covering her neck. There is no cloth that could prevent the blood from falling down her neck. Unable to think well because of the pain in his body, he just let his other senses handle the situation. He wipes her blood out using his mouth. So slowly that he could taste her blood in his mouth. The moment that her blood enters his body, gives him a feeling of union. He wants to share with her, to unite into a single life and breathe together as one.  
  
  
  
Yes, she is now inside him, her blood, and so her pain. She was so much for him, making him lost in this situation; letting him yearn much more on what he could touch. Blood is not now his reason to feel her flesh but of something else. The touch of his lips now became kisses on her neck. Long sipping kisses is what he is imprinting on her body.   
  
  
  
She seems to notice his change of behavior, but she just let him. Closing her eyes, she feels it. His kisses are giving her after all a different feeling. She doesn't know what it is but she likes it.   
  
  
  
Soon, his kisses are getting fiercer and fiercer, claiming more of her flesh. It now reaches her face that seems to be looking for something that would control the situation. His kisses still search for something to claim her.  
  
  
  
And for not so long, he found it, a smooth delicate lips that he keeps on yearning at that time. The moment their lips touch finally opens the link that will connects them. Pain to pain, lust to lust and passion to passion is what they fill each other. She is now lost as he is and for that she followed her instincts and kiss him back.  
  
  
  
Truly, they are both new to the sensation. They keep on groping on what to do, letting them sure that their desires reach the other. While still kissing her, he pushes her delicately to a lying position for him to access her easily.   
  
Rei let him controls her as he position her under him, pinning her body on the bed by his own body with their legs intertwined. She envelopes her arms in his neck while still holding the knife at her one hand. It looks like that she is meeting her hands to slash one another, giving herself another bloodletting. She doesn't know what to do right now, but this is the only way she knows how to feel more the situation.  
  
  
  
Heero, even if he can't see her, feels her bloodletting attempt. He stops his kiss for a while and gets hold of her hands that was touching his back , never lifting his gaze. Rei understands his gesture quickly and pleads.   
  
  
  
"I want to feel anything, even pain, let me, let ..me …please" Her voice now has shades of little emotion. She can't help but pant a little on those words as a result of their kiss.  
  
  
  
"There's so much pain, blood in this room, its already overflowing, suffocating and poisoning……." He speaks as if he is teaching, telling her on what he believes and perceives brought about by the situation. He let himself totally submit to a new sensation that is filling his heart.  
  
  
  
Yet, his words are not yet finished. Lessons are meant to be taught and to be spoken right now.  
  
  
  
"Pain is not for us to feel, to yearn. Because it was already embedded in our veins and blood the moment we are born". And from that he finished his reproach, unable yet to determine how she handled it. And indeed he is right. After knowing who and what they really are, they shouldn't just stop there. They should move on and do something.  
  
  
  
Then she speaks softly, word for word she express it to him "But I must feel, we need to feel, anything…". Looks like his words could not yet break her old beliefs. Bloodletting is still the only way she can see to express herself in a situation. However, her words are deceiving her. She doesn't know that her flesh now reacts because she feels. And note that this time it is not because of pain but of something else.  
  
  
  
  
  
Nowthere'snopoint in placing thebla m e   
  
Andyoushouldknow I'd suffer thesa m e  
  
IfIlooseyou, my heart would be bro-k e n   
  
  
  
Still remaining on their position, he moves his hand on her cheek to caress her delicate and confused face.  
  
  
  
"Then let us feel anything else that we are not capable of " He doesn't know how those words came out of his lips. Indeed, he wasn't really thinking. Where it came from he no longer cares as long as he knows that it made their connection stronger, that they are now becoming real to their senses into this world.   
  
  
  
She scan his seriousness for a second, understanding what he means by that; if he really means it.   
  
After a long pause, she suddenly breaks their silence with an unusual reaction. A machine that she is seldom does this. Some people even think she couldn't do it, yet at this moment she does. She smiles for definitely, she can't help herself but to smile shyly at his comment. Those words from a soldier really strike her heart to make her do this. Emotions seem open to her.  
  
  
  
He answers her reaction with a question lying on his face and somehow with amusement of himself to make her act like that. Why she reacts that way makes his eyebrows furrow with a hint of smile behind his lips. He enjoys his sight, her stare, innocence and most especially her smile.   
  
  
  
She feels his questioning look and speaks to answer him.   
  
  
  
" You and I are very much alike." It is she this time that lift her fingers to touch his face. And then she continues, "But there is a difference between us. You should know very well that I'm not pure human. My existence is to be deserted and used for a purpose. I have boundaries. ".  
  
  
  
She now reduces her tone to shift to her point, "But you, your blood freely flow in your veins; letting your heart beat normally; and giving you more choice to explore emotions. What made you think then that I can do that?" The last sentence is either a question or a lecture. But it won't matter to him anyway. Because he will speak what he feels and that's it. He leans his head closer to her and binds their gaze together.  
  
  
  
"No, there's no difference…." he huskily whispers to her with his lips seems touching hers.  
  
  
  
" I don't see any difference…" And he decisively continues.  
  
  
  
"….because I badly want to feel the same as you do, to feel anything with you…."  
  
  
  
"….and that's all that matters."  
  
  
  
Then he kisses her lips now more passionate than ever. Let his kiss express the meaning of his words. Let their pain be forgotten and be lost at this moment. And let their difference vanish because it will no longer matter. They had already decided to forget, to be blind of such harsh realities and just let their heart manipulate them, teach them of what they long to ignore.  
  
  
  
Loveisabird, sheneedsto f l y   
Letallthehurt in- side ofyoud i e  
  
You're fro zen  
  
when your heart's not o pen  
  
  
  
  
And from that she gives in, she must and she wants to. This time, it was him that showed her, enlighten her on what she is and what she could be. He made her see that she could be something more she used to, that even a clone she is, he treat her as a human, as equal as him.  
  
  
  
They now blind themselves to other things and just give in to their feelings, whatever they are. Heero let his hand touch her thighs and caress it up and down. His other fingers play with her sleeveless nightdress, slowly removing its contact to her body. He needs to touch more of her, feel more of her flesh. On the other hand, Rei just let him. His touch makes her more of what she is, more human that could feel. She let her two arms circle around his body to his back and feels how his muscular body reacts with her lingering touch.  
  
  
  
They don't know what they're doing. But then they are not lost, lost in thoughts maybe but not anymore of their feelings, their existence and purpose. They are now guided by their emotions that they thought they couldn't have. Others might say they are not capable of that, but at least they are trying. Now open to what they always believed to be lies, they are doing it now, claiming of what they were deprived for.  
  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
IfI couldmelt your h e a rt   
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
We'dne-verbe a p a r t  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
Giveyourself t o m e  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm   
  
Y o u----h o l d-thek e y   
  
  
  
  
However, there is something that should be removed from their situation, the root to feel pain that was now forgotten. And from that, while still kissing her body, he reaches for the knife beside them and throws it involuntarily. He didn't care, didn't even look where it had landed. Because right now they won't need that, they need something else, something that they never yet experience before, and they need it very desperately right now.  
  
  
  
_ "No I can't!!" a youthful voice echoes the misty room.   
  
  
  
"You can" Someone replies. All is blurred and only the two voices identified the place.  
  
  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
  
  
"Because that's who you are, that's what we are" the mists are constantly moving with no shade of patterns. Its movement envelopes the sources of the two voices that was arguing.  
  
  
  
"I'm dead a long time ago, I can't. From the start I really cant"  
  
  
  
"Every creation man or machine can make life exist. You can."  
  
  
  
"Stupid! If this is life, then it should be gone…….ALL should be gone if that's makes life go on." The youth's voice is turning into anger. He is on denial of answers. He can't cope with the situation.  
  
  
  
"If that's your thinking then you are not really alive"_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
youonlyseewhatyoureyes want to s e e  
  
  
  
howcanlifebewhatyouwantittob e  
  
  
  
you're fro zen  
  
  
  
when your hearts not o pen  
  
  
  
  
  
Their fingers are now intertwined with each other, trying to feel more of their closeness. They want to feel so much, that together, they had created a new feeling for their own. Yes indeed they feel right now, so much that it is now consuming every part of their body. They might not notice the presence of emotions but everything is clear in their touch. All is circling around on their flesh, forcing them to move according to what they feel, giving in for the first time for their own feelings, decisions, and desires and not for the other people's orders. For the first time, they had done something for their own that finally gave them a reason to keep their blood, their life.  
  
  
  
_ The mists are getting lighter and lighter, floating the two shadows conversing.  
  
  
  
"…then what is blood for?" The younger shade asks with a tone of inquisitiveness.  
  
  
  
"It's just a structure of existence, lifeless."  
  
  
  
"….so?..."  
  
  
  
"Having blood doesn't mean you are alive, for life is not physical." It seems the answer of the taller shade ignites the confusion to color the youth's face.  
  
  
  
"if that's true then what do you called to that physical life?, the world we are living in?"  
  
  
  
"On the first place, that should just be an instrument, a path to direct humans to the real life. But in time, that path excluded and created a life of its own, breeding the world to live into a poor imitation of life"  
  
  
  
"so what's the real life?" From denial, he was now open. He was now listening, learning, and knowing the true way of understanding things.  
  
  
  
" It is a way of perceiving things. If you feel and hope with your heart then you are alive, you are in life. "  
_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
IfI couldmelt your h e a rt   
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
We'dne-verbe a p a r t  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
Giveyourself t o m e  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm   
  
Y o u----h o l d-thek e y   
  
  
  
  
  
  
The feeling might be lust, desperation, curiousness, or even love, they don't know, and they don't need to. To feel is enough, knowing it doesn't matter for them. For together, with the help of each other, they made themselves feel. Those feelings, whatever those are, now had become a union between two lost souls that were long bounded by emotions. Thru the feeling of commonality, they were able to feel other things they can't. It is the key that they had been searching for too long or they might not know consciously that they were looking for it so badly until now. And now they had found it, found each other. Questions about their existence are now answered.   
  
  
  
_ Everything is clear now. Haziness of the place had vanished, revealing a young human curling in the corner..   
  
  
  
"Hu..hu..mm ..mm. hu. Hm" The sound of human's crying in a fetus position fills the place. It appears they are in a garden, full of flowers and trees. Green colors the place with beauty..  
  
  
  
"Let go. It's alright now" A tall figure kneeled beside the youth and caresses its face. It's apparent now that the crying human is them, Heero and Rei as one. They had united to a single image to seek answers and from that the tall figure appears to them. They are in their subconscious, settling and healing their ravaged soul.  
  
  
  
"Hm hu.hu.mmm….my eyes, it all sore…, tears …..won't …stop" He cries as he lifts his delicate hand to touch his own swollen eyes.  
  
  
  
"It's okay. You are waking, accepting and being born again. You are feeling life."   
  
"Huhu hm mm Its bre,,,a..king, I..'m brea..k..ing." His voice is shaking as well as his whole body.  
  
  
  
"That's right, crying will heal you. Like a new born baby from the mother's womb, you must cry to actualize reality. You will now be free from pain. I'm glad" The figure answers with a smile.   
  
_   
  
  
  
Blood, pain in the room is now forgotten; even the files of Heero's mission are already scattered on the floor. His gun and her knife vanished in their presence. It looks like those things had just become an old residue of their past. It will no longer participate on their beliefs, their life. They are now meant to be buried, for hope shines upon their lives from now on. Should they think they deserve to suffer and yet thru suffering they found life. A seed of life they are in the mechanical world will now grow to give life a second chance to be what it should really be, to keep their blood and live with their heart.  
  
  
  
_ " Wow. I don't know that this kind of place exist" Two figures were standing on the top of the hill scanning the beauty of the place below them. Light breeze plays the grass with whistling leaves floating in the air.   
  
"It's because you are dead before. You said it yourself right?"  
  
"Yeah! I remember" The smaller figure smiles. " It looks like I live too much long in a lifeless world….. where am I again?"  
  
"In you heart, you are inside of your heart"_

  
  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
IfI couldmelt your h e a rt   
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
We'dne-verbe a p a r t  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm  
  
Giveyourself t o m e  
  
Mmmm MmMmMmmm   
  
Y o u----h o l d-thek e y   
  
  
  
IfI couldmelt your h e a rt   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*******  
  
  
  
Heero woke up, dazed at his situation, lying on a bed naked and all covered by a blanket that was being shared by someone. He turned his head on his side and saw a blue haired angel lying on his chest and embracing his body. Then he remembered, yes, how could he forget, the moment where he was free of such burdens in this world, where he was able to share his pain and created a feeling to somebody.  
  
  
  
He touches her cheek and traces the shape of her sleeping face. Then he slowly plays with her silky blue hair, loving how the strands of her hair run on his fingers. Before long, he turned his head around the place to see what other things exists beside than them. It appears that they focused only on each other so much that they had forgotten lots of things. First, he scans his body to see lots of wound. And next, he shifts to the room, seeing the stained blood on the floor, the red knife and the scattered clothes and papers in all sides of the room   
  
  
  
'Wait' he thought, then looks again at those papers. He is getting his senses back, his reason of coming here.   
  
  
  
"Damn!" he swears at himself as he hurriedly gets out of the bed and searches for his scattered clothes. He quickly puts his clothes on and picks his gun on the floor. He can't believe he had forgotten everything.   
  
  
  
Rei woke up, feeling a sudden emptiness in her bed. She looks at the room to see a young man rapidly picking the things on the floor. He is putting things back the way they were as if he is catching time. Then she sits up, wrapping the blanket around her body  
  
  
  
"You're late", she said.   
  
  
  
She reaches for the clock on the side of her bed and shows it to him.  
  
  
  
"It's already 8:00"   
  
  
  
He stops his movement and looks at her strangely. A mixed of emotions floods on his face that she couldn't determine what he feels or what he is planning to do.  
  
  
  
He suddenly walks toward her, grips her shoulder and kisses her intensely. He is igniting the flame once again, trying to memorize each feel of his lips to hers. She kiss him back as she gets the meaning of his kiss; for they are giving each other a gift to feel, to treasure while they will be gone. They are retrieving each others strength, emotions and soul as a new reason of their existence.  
  
  
  
He stops the kiss slowly to say something to her.  
  
  
  
"You delayed me from my mission", he looks at her letting her sense what he meant.  
  
  
  
He lifts her hand to touch her.   
  
  
  
"You'll pay for this." His words do not speak of anger but of amusement and fascination. He is not threatening her of danger but cautioning her of their situation. His eyes speak of what it is. It's like he is informing her of what she had done to him and from that she'll have him along her way. And she likes it that way. Besides he is not the only one that had changed, he also made her see the different side of things. Hence, together they will live their new life as one.  
  
  
  
With that, he walks away with his gun, the files of his mission and most especially his healed soul. Indeed, they don't know each other's name, but that is not a priority, this is not the end but a beginning. And besides far beyond that is what they got, each other's body and soul, united to live as one.  
  
  
  
*******  
  
  
  
"Hey! Heero! " Duo shouts waving his hand to his companion.   
  
  
  
Duo runs toward him to tell him of what had just happened.  
  
  
  
"What took you so long? "He speaks as he runs.  
  
  
  
"Do you know that they already gave up from waiti-…." He suddenly stops as he came near him, seeing him full of bandages wrapped around his body.  
  
  
  
"Oh my!. What the hell happened to your sneak and snatch mission?", he asked.  
  
  
  
It looks like he was already used to having his question left unanswered and goes on, "Boy, I was wrong for underestimating your assignment. That mission was indeed dangerous for you to be late and wounded like that".  
  
  
  
He continues to walk away, ignoring him. He throws the file to him without looking and said, "Hand these files to them if you are bored so badly", telling him with his usual tone. He has no time for that right now, because he had already a mission to be shared with somebody, following for the first time his own self. He will live anew together with his half Rei Ayanami.  
  
  
  
"What had just happened?" leaving Duo with a confused look.  
  
  
  
  
  
_From afar the taller figure stands, observing how the youth now grows and enjoys place. A lash of smile plays on his lips as the happiness hovers around.  
  
  
  
You might not know  
  
  
  
You might not feel  
  
  
  
But I'm always with you  
  
  
  
From the very start of life's existence  
  
  
  
I am here in your heart  
  
  
  
I am you  
  
  
  
The real you  
  
  
  
Your true feelings and senses  
  
  
  
The one you ignore  
  
  
  
The answer to your questions  
  
  
  
The cure to your pains  
  
  
  
The key to your real life  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I know you will look for me someday  
  
  
  
I will forever wait.  
  
  
  
I will never stop.  
  
  
  
And the day you'll find me  
  
  
  
Will be the blissful day of my life and yours  
  
_  
  
  
  
  
  
~FIN~  
  
  
  
(A/N what do you think? Too much blood? Twisted? Scary? Weird?  
  
This is my first fanfic so please understand. I'm really obsessed with them as a couple. I even made a pair up site of them. Just check out my author's information for the link.   
  
I already ask 13 people to read this before I posted it and I want to thank them especially my 2 beta reader, Doc and Nikki. Thanks also to: Emalyn Charms, Roxanne, KC, Hazel, Mela, Milton, Charlton, Annie, Pranz, Steph – for allocating a time to read and criticize this fic)  
  
Anyway, please let me know what you think and REVIEW!! Thanks)  
  
  
  
  



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